by Ellen Gray
CHINA, I believe, is usually reserved for the 20th anniversary, not the 15th. But CBS, eager to keep alive the romance between the network's most successful "reality" show and its once-fanatic viewers, is bypassing crystal - tricky gift, that - and marking the 15th edition of "Survivor" by stranding its contestants in the world's most populous country.
Where, naturally, they'll see little of the Chinese and probably even less of the fast-developing economic giant portrayed in Thomas Friedman's "The World Is Flat," the trading partner that's been sending us tainted toys and pet food and complaining in turn about the growth hormones in our meat.
No man - or economy - is an island, but "Survivor" has nearly always been about the islands, and "Survivor: China," set on the Lake of a Thousand Islands in an apparently remote section of the country, is no exception.
We do get a brief view of Shanghai before the contestants are, in host Jeff Probst's words, "transported back in time."
If the producers of "Survivor" had their way, that time might well be way back in 1999 or 2000, when the phrase "the tribe has spoken" was on everyone's lips and being voted off the island meant more than a trip to "The Early Show" and the possibility that you, too, might someday have a chance to sit around and bicker on "The View."
They've done what they could in recent seasons to reignite the flame, or at least stir up controversy: dividing tribes along lines of gender, race and ethnicity, hiding extra immunity idols, creating "outcast" islands.
But nothing's been as intriguing as the idea of filming an entire series in China, and certainly nothing's been as beautiful.
In fact, if you have one of those giant flat-screens on your wall, you may be tempted to just freeze-frame on some scenes in tonight's premiere. And reach for the mute button.
Because you can take "Survivor" contestants anywhere in the world, but they're still "Survivor" contestants: whiny, manipulative, self-righteous and surprised when it rains.
Changing the scenery doesn't change the game. Some people will always be ants, others grasshoppers. And not in the "Kung Fu" sense.
The rain falls on ants and grasshoppers alike, but ants get up the next morning and focus on building better shelter, while the grasshoppers try to look busy without doing anything.
Tonight's episode begins with a Buddhist ceremony that Probst assures the group, which includes a "Christian radio show host" and a "gay Mormon flight attendant," is about welcome, not worship.
Not that that placates Leslie, the radio show host, who decides she shouldn't be bowing to Buddha.
"I'm not a religious person, but I have a relationship with Jesus Christ, and the only time I'm going to put my face on the floor is for him," she tells Probst when he questions her later.
And we're off.
I'm not sure how much I'm going to want to see of any of these people - starting with Courtney Yates, a New York waitress whose CBS.com profile says she enjoys "reading and learning new things" but who, through the twin miracles of editing and attitude, appears to be channeling Paris Hilton.
I wouldn't mind seeing more of China, though.
An entire edition of "The Amazing Race" could probably be staged there without loss of variety.
Maybe then we'd get to see more than the sight of 16 Americans trying to figure out Sun Tzu's "The Art of War." *
Send e-mail to graye@phillynews.com.
